doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
