At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
operation have a gay friend backfired
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
Floor bacon is actually really good
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Randomize
