Me too!
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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