am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
They left me at home... I'm a liability
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
