My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
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