Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
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