babies were throwing up all over the place
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
Randomize
