in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize