no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
This is classic penis vs brain.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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