i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
