You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
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