At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
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