doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
He kissed a someone with a penis
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
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