I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Randomize
