it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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