You made me cry and you don't even care
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
Come on in and take your pants off
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