Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
Randomize