And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
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