Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
Randomize
