I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
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