And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
this is an emotional support booty call
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
