Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
So many bounce houses so little time
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
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