i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Randomize
