i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
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