the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
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