addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
they call him Oral-B. enough said
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Randomize
