Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Randomize
