We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
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