You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
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