when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Randomize
