im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
