when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
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