I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
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