Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
