I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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