i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
Randomize
