She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
