I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
Randomize
