woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
the room spins SO much faster in panama
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
