Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
