The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
