I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
My vagina is officially offended.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Randomize
