Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
I'm experimenting with sincerity
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
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