for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
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