Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize