Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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