ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Randomize
