dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize
