I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Randomize
