Can Purell be used as lube?
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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