I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
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