She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
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