The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
Randomize
