We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
