you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
Randomize