Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Randomize
