I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
