I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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