Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
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