I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
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