I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Randomize
