I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
Randomize
