there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
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