i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Randomize
