she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Randomize