I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
