Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Randomize
