he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
I haven't been this sober since birth.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
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