Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
