I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
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