areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
Randomize
