covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
Someone shattered a urinal.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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