So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Randomize
