just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Randomize
