you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
