Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
