just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Randomize
