i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
