You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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