She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
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