when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
My bed smells like the plague
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Randomize
