But i did once see a show where a women was homeless and installed a stove in a school bus so she and her baby could live there since all the seats were taken out. As far as being homeless goes it didn't look half bad...So this is me promising to you that if i ever am living in an abandoned school bus...i will at least pimp it out with a stove so you can come over for dinner sometimes
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
My penis needs a shock collar
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
Randomize
