Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
