i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
All I want is dick and wine.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
