Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
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