This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Randomize
