I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
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