I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
Randomize
