Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Randomize