I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
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