So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
