i permit you to call me
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
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