I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
