you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
