tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Randomize
