just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
Sponge bath it is.
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
Randomize
