just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
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